Not What I Expected

Single in a new-ish City?

I moved to St. John’s in September 2024… it’s not a new city… it was the city I lived, worked and most people I know live and just 40 minutes from where I lived for the last 15 years.

I lived in St. John’s off and on, like a pair of old jeans that fit perfectly, I keep landing back here. First, I moved to the east end and lived on Alice Drive when I was 18, with my sister and her now husband in a small 2-bedroom basement apartment. At one point there were 4 of us living there, paying $500 a month for rent - or $125 each!

Today that same apartment would cost $1500-$1700 + for rent. A year later, my sister made her way to Mount Pearl, and I landed myself in Burton’s Pond on Memorial University campus, complete with a computer lab, and laundry facilities - because we didn’t have our own computers, never mind cell phones just 22 years ago - and bar.

I made fast friends with my roommates - most of whom came from the province's West Coast. The girls and I would remain friends and roommates throughout university even though they were several years older than me.

That time in my life, when Sex and City and Queer as Folk and women exploring and talking about sex was all the rage, a new age of feminism was on the scene, where drag offs and fleet week and casual hook ups were as much a part of life as Thursday’s at the Breezeway and the QE2 library.

This was a time in life whenUniversity never closed, we walked to class in -20 and snow to our knees, we stayed up taking shots of pepsi and instant coffee and we partied, hard.

If a PhD in partying was a thing, we had one.

But those are stories for other blogs and other days or maybe never, maybe, forever they stay inside the brick walls and shitty half wooden, green cushion furniture and too small space for 4 hormonal women, forever.

I left St. John’s in 2003 with a guy who would become my husband. We lived in Canada’s Arctic Territory of Nunavut for 5 years. We came back to Newfoundland and I spent nearly a year in St. John’s again… bouncing between houses, I had Tetley with me as I lived mostly out of my car and my brother’s house, a friends cabin on the weekends while we built our house in Holyrood.

My move was immediately one of regret. Within months I was struggling with the place. My job was a 45 minute commute. I had a dog so I had to come home immediately after work. Then I just existed. I had no friends and I would occassionally drive back to St. John’s for events or coffee or an evening out but it became a hassle.

I wanted to move.

Instead I tried to be a good wife and stay. I suppressed my own needs and stayed. I made it work by starting my own fitness business and giving myself time and energy that put me more in control of my schedule and life.

It worked for a while. Until it didn’t. And that didn’t was sooner than I want to admit - within 2 years there was serious serious, which I kept forgiving and ignoring and accepting blame for the cause of them and holding on so tight I lost myself.

I would spend another 12 years saving that marriage until it finally shattered in a way that there was no pieces left to pick up. Instead of even trying I stepped over the pieces and said “no more”.

The move back to St. John’s took another year + but eventually I have come back to the city that has beaconed me my entire adult life. Is this home? Will it always be home or just a place I land in between adventures, that remains to be seen.

But after more than a decade of self exploration and self discovery, when I should have just left way sooner, I’m standing in my (gasp) almost mid forties, in a water west, downtown, old Victorian style rental. I can hear my neighbor yawn in the morning and this week I discovered I have a mouse friend living with me - who I’m trying to humanely catch because I just friggin’ can’t.

Single in the City has come about as I embrace my writing journey - finally ready to call myself a writer (after three books, countless published articles and more than 1200 blogs, including 56 journals sitting in a box and 6300 notes in my phone) - I’m talking all things women, city, single and even relationships - because what I’ve learned and what I’m terrified of will be included.

Texts I want to send but never will, what it’s like being a 40 something single child free woman in a modern text, dm culture, how it feels to be independant and judged and celebrated in this strange phase. In my true writing style, I suspect it will be spicy and at times heartbreaking but always always wild.

This blog will not be free. It will have some free articles but the content in here will be subscriber only for the most part - with one or two free content pieces a month.

It will definitely be worth it ;)

I’m excited (and mildly terrified) because St. John’s is a small city but right now it’s my city, for how long I don’t know. I’m eyeing moves all the time and never quite know where I’ll land because hey… I’m completely free to decide what my life will be :)

So I’d love if you’ll join me for this blog. You can sign up for free and get the free teasers and content and/or sign up for the paid version. I’ll be putting off some sales for it this month.

Tonya, Uncensored will continue to have free blogs and content of course for all things women, power and conditioning.

I’m excited about this next phase. I think I’ll be talking about a lot of important things for women in modern world, both relevant to single and relationships, grief, loss, starting over, questions everyone is asking and of course - the tinder files.

When you sign up you need to sign up for free then upgrade. And this can only be done on a browser, not the app. I know - super annoying but here we are.

I can’t wait to share more with you because I can tell you, none of this is what I expected, some is better, some is crazier and some is downright strange.

Love,

Tonya