The Lies I Tell Myself

time's up though

For months “I’ve been ready” and I’ve been slowly putting pieces back into place. “slower” this time I keep reminding myself. I tell myself its ok to take my time, and it is! However, there comes a point where building slowly and practically is just procrastination. Perhaps it’s fear, maybe it’s still feeling the need to protect myself from the external demands of people, and maybe a little bit of self-doubt…

But this week, the inauguration of Donald Trump, the ongoing war on women, the rollback of DEI programs, etc. have finally pushed me into a corner where I am ready or not, here I come …because I have the skills, education and training to help women and men through this.

I realized the lies I’ve been telling myself that have kept me comfortable. But that’s over.

While I’m in Canada the reality of the situation is global. This influences, incites and affirms so many things globally. The threat to the economy, the bullying, and some things that are just downright terrifying. I’m not a political analyst. I am, however, a human behaviorist and I know people, reactions and fall outs. I know how scared and uncertain people are. I know women are fucking exhausted from fighting but what choice do we have?

If we don’t find our ultimate power now, will we risk, even here in Canada losing what little we have gained? Overall, we have been in a losing state for years. The pandemic harmed women more than anyone else. With childcare, homeschooling, working from home, women burned out at a rate higher than ever seen. We lost more women in top level positions and global leadership than we have been replacing.

Online harassment, bullying and degrading women has risen higher than we’ve ever seen. At a speaking event in Moncton, New Brunswick I was asked if we “age out” of misogyny. My answer was no because of the Donald’s Trumps and Andrew Tate’s of the world… men riding on the false history and narrative of women and promoting an anti-everything other than white men culture.

At best, Canada’s top executives saw growth of 15% in women. That number has been declining since 2020, not growing.

I held an information session with men in 2023 where, all white, all executive business owners, told me they were worried about their white sons and the opportunities available to them. They feel their opportunities are threatened. They wanted sympathy but women and minorities have been fighting for the smallest steps in everything while that demographic have been handed most of their opportunities.

I had a conversation recently with a dual white male owned company who felt they are getting overlooked for diverse women. They weren’t happy and were scared for the future of their businesses.

The thing is… these are all feelings as women and monitories we’ve had our entire lives. We’ve had to chase, create and build opportunities in an unfair world that never wanted us to win or have any opportunities outside of the kitchen and delivery room.

The push back is real. They don’t want to lose the privilege to which they’ve been accustomed. They don’t know how to share the pie and don’t wish to. They see collaboration as competition and not one they want. They see affirmative action as losing opportunities for themselves instead of the opportunity to collaborate and grow and create even better things.

But here’s the thing… I also don’t want to lose the freedoms the women who came before me gained. I don’t wish to be regaled to a singular role in society. I don’t want to continue walking with my keys between my fingers or never be able to full my potential because of the boot on my back as a society.

I have a lot to offer.

So do you.

There are a lot of incredible men, too, who support and growth. Our fathers, husbands, partners, sons, coworkers, who wish to be better men and who want to see their mothers, wives, sisters, daughters rise higher.

The reality is we are facing a crisis like we haven’t seen since the 60 or 70s which means I didn’t see it and many of you didn’t or weren’t old enough to remember the fights for the freedoms we have today.

I don’t intend to go back.

And with that today I am saying, finally, that I’m not building slowly… I’m coming back full force. I have the skillset to support women in unlocking their full potential, which we need now more than ever. We need to raise the emotional capacity and overall potential of women, we need to re-write our narratives from fear to power. We need to find our highest potential and unapologetically live into it.

We need to raise the emotional intelligence of men, create allyship and empower and strengthen relationships between us.

There is so much work to do, and I realize how my own journey has been lining me up to be the strongest version of myself to be able to step now into this place, more confident and with more to offer than ever before.

We are not going back. And to do that we need women in their ultimate power…. And that is a journey I know deeply and have spent nearly two decades guiding women.

Let’s f’ing go.

Tonya

PS… I’ll be opening my new Rise Up Program (and an allyship series) later today. I’m not “on fire” like I once would have been. I’m not interested in burning anymore. I am more grounded and determined than I’ve ever been in my life. Calm, slow burn. Let’s focus on what we can control and that’s how we respond, what we do and how we grow as people and organizations in the face of adversity.